Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
