I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
