So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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