K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize