there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
