i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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