my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
