I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
