I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
