Ambien. No doubt about it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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