I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
tell me about the fingering
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
