K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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