Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
