so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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