She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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