My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
