What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
