I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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