They should really pass out barf bags in church
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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