idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
