i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
