I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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