new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
