Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
