I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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