Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
