Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
