did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
