Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
