the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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