All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
