I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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