i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
