But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
