I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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