so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
