pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
