New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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