I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
