I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
