Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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