I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want to have your abortion
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm getting married
To pizza
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
