i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
