It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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