i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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