Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
