The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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