I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
