I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
