Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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