1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
