Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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