she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
