At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
