the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
