Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she told me i tasted like america
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
