What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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