There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
