why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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