I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
