so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
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I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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