kristin has been a bad kristin
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
