dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
