she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I touched a dick in church today
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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