She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my shit smells like andre
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
