Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
