Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
