I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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