can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
whose parrot is this?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
