Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
