I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
