She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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