Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
