ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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