So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
