I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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