So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need a beard to bite.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
