Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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