if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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