I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Green mimosas i think yes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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